The canopy was oppressive. Very little air circulated around the eight year old clear cut, 30 feet from the riparian area. I pulled the meter tape through the piercing brambles, waded through the thick under story and the flimsy saplings that sagged just overhead. I could hear Patsy beside me, only a few meters away, trudging through very similar vegetation except she did not struggle as I did. Her abilities in the woods were honed and she surpassed me although she was my senior by at least thirty years. I came upon a grouping of white pines, covered in green briers and began to wiggle through them. As I neared their center I dropped the meter tape and attempted to pick it up. I instantly became a pin cushion with briers attaching to every bit of clothing. Suddenly, there was a looming wave of unease pulling at my more primitive and habitual self…did someone dose me?
“Don’t be silly. People don’t do drugs like that anymore.”
Panic nearly set in when I remembered Queen Elizabeth the II. Strange as it may sound, and mind you I had previously suspected that someone had dosed me, not many people impress me but their abilities certainly do and Queen Elizabeth is one of those people.
During one of her early parades on June 13th 1981, Marcus Simon Sarjeant shot blanks into the the procession, directly at the Queen. Now this in and of itself is not impressive BUT the dear Queen was on horse back and she was riding side saddle. Furthermore, her horse, as horses will, went completely ape shit and what did the poor Queen do? Well, she managed her horse and did not even wrinkle her outfit. That, my beloved reader, is what I like to call poise.
You may ask, “Well. Did you defeat the awful brier patch?”
Yes. I did. But very poorly.
I made it to the end of plot with Patsy sitting on the ground in a way that hid her long legs while her face was partially concealed by her broad brim hat. She looks up at me with pale blue eyes and with her far western North Carolina drawl says, “I think we are gonna have some smilax rotundifolia in this plot.”